| mukashi hanashi wo omoidasu tabi namida ga afuredashite… |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
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| Goodbye |
[14 Feb 2006|07:05pm] |
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Celine Dion - My heart will go on XD;;; |
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This is my last entry as ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) wildwein.
A weird feeling. I kind of like it.
This username belongs to a past which is long gone, but never forgotten. This is something which meant a lot to me. It holds memories I will never lose and which I shall love and cherish forever.
Grand words to say a simple thing: Goodbye.
I've made a new journal. Some of you guys got added, others didn't. This doesn't mean that I don't like you or anything, but with some people I cannot communicate via livejournal. If you wish to stay in touch with me, use MSN. You all do have my addy and if not, ask around. You will surely find it.
So yes, look out for the new person on your friends list. The person whose username starts with 'h'.
Add me back, if you like. ^-^
Byebye.
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| Dundundun |
[05 Feb 2006|08:30pm] |
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Die Toten Hosen - Bonnie & Clyde |
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( Ehe ... )
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| Stigmata and other diseases// |
[04 Feb 2006|10:29pm] |
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music |
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Chicago - If you leave me now |
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For a highly interesting talk about my health, please click ( here )
On a completely random note ... the people in my IT class should all be killed. x_x Seriously.
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A FOLDER AND A WORD FILE IS VERY, VERY, VEEEERY OBVIOUS!
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[18 Jan 2006|09:53pm] |
- Simone can be seen from space!
- Three seagulls flying overhead are a warning that Simone is near.
- The deepest part of Simone is over 35,000 feet deep.
- Until the 1960s, Simone was not allowed to enter Disneyland.
- The only Englishman to become Simone was Nicholas Breakspear, who was Simone from 1154 to 1159!
- Research indicates that Simone will be attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas.
- Julius Caesar wore a laurel wreath to cover up Simone.
- Simone is black with white stripes, not white with black stripes.
- Twenty-eight percent of Microsoft's employees are Simone.
- Simone is the last letter of the Greek alphabet!
YAY! XD
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| I'm such a GENIUS! XD |
[16 Jan 2006|08:08pm] |
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Counting Crows - Colourblind |
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x_x We had this test about Great Britain today ... I randomly made up names for people who may or may not be in the House of Lords. ^^;;;
x_X;;; And he showed us a map of Great Britain and we were supposed to write the names of the different parts and what kind of farming or other industry stuff they had there.
Me: ... ......... ... //AH! Muahahahahaha!!!//
West Country: Sheep, dairy farming, prostitution
Wales: Sheep, dairy farming, prostitution, drugs
He can't say it's wrong! >.< He CAN'T! There HAS to be prostitution there!
Moving on to the House of Lords ... I made up names for those, too. ^^;;;
House of Lords:
Ogata Hiroto
Shiina Ringo
Ringo Starr
Audrey Hepburn aaaaaaaaaaaaand
Steven Spielberg!
House of Commons:
Christian Slater
Harrison Ford
Liv Tyler
Kate Winslet aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand
William Shakespeare!
GO ME! XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
The Russian lady was actually friendly. O____O Wow ...
I'm tired.
[Edit:]
Und sie tanzen einen Tango ... Jackie Brown und Baby Miller ~ We can break every rule and forget about time sagt:
i just got proof that i'm a girl
Und sie tanzen einen Tango ... Jackie Brown und Baby Miller ~ We can break every rule and forget about time sagt:
lol
Und sie tanzen einen Tango ... Jackie Brown und Baby Miller ~ We can break every rule and forget about time sagt:
there was like this weird spider-like-but-not-a-real-spider-animal in my room and i was screaming for my mami at the top of my lungs. ^^;;;
[.: i.want.you.to.see.what.you've.done.to.me.crying.out.those.eyes .:.] ブラッド - 05/04/06 sagt:
lol..
XD
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| Ohrfeige Klappe die 3. |
[07 Jan 2006|03:32am] |
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Groove Coverage - Poison |
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Ich werd wohl auch nicht mehr klüger. ._.
Ein Mensch kann mir mehr oder minder ins Gesicht schreien, dass er mit mir nichts zu tun haben will, aber ich kann oder will's nicht einsehen.
Ich hatte Angst, dass du nur wegen mir kommen würdest ...
Ach, wenn du nicht willst, dann ist das auch gut. Ich würd mir doch jetzt wegen sowas nicht die Pulsadern aufschlitzen XD
I will
Bah ... fick dich doch echt mal sonstwohin, nekrophile Schlampe. >.< Allmählich werd ich böse. Das ist nicht oft der Fall. Ich bin nur zickig. XD Aber mein Zorn ist vergleichbar mit dem Gottes. XD Wenn ich die erforderlichen Mittel hätte, hätte ich keine Skrupel eine Sintflut über das bewusste Land hereinbrechen zu lassen. XP~
Naja, whatever.
Is ja letztendlich auch egal. Ich hätte es besser wissen müssen. Schon nach dem was gestern war, hätte ich es wissen sollen, aber gut. Ich bin ja dumm. Das wissen wir ja.
Ich find's nur alles so ... argh. Das ist alles so DUMM! Ich mein ....... GAH!
ICH HASSE DICH
^^ = Verpiss dich aus meinem Leben, bring dich um, verschwinde, stirb ^-^
Naja, nicht bei jedem. Aber bei einer ganz bestimmten Person, deren Name euch allen höchstwahrscheinlich schon zu den Ohren raushängt, schon.
Pissen hat man früher mit ß geschrieben. XD Witzig irgendwie.
x_x Bah, ich sollte nicht mehr saufen.
Es führt zu nichts Gutem. ._. Eher zu Hass. Und Selbsthass. Und mehr Hass gegenüber anderen wegen dem Selbsthass.
Was mal echt lustig ist, ist, dass ich da WOHNEN werde! XD Auf nem verdammten Golfhügel irgendwo in diesem gotterverlassenen Land. x_x Und die dreckige Schlampe wird auch da sein. Weil ... sie wohnt da ja und so.
Aber ich werd die Nummer mit dem Baum echt bringen. XD Ich werd irgendwie auf das Scheißding draufkommen und an ihr Fenster klopfen. XDDD~
Hallo, Herzinfarkt! War nett dich gekannt zu haben, Leben! *_*"
Aber die witzigste Nummer ist ja immer noch dieses "Ich mag das nicht, wenn Leute zu mir nach Hause kommen" ... also BITTE! Ich mein, ich bin ja kein psychopathischer Mörder (anders als gewisse andere Leute), wohn da und bring sie dann im Schlaf um oder so! >.<
Das ist noch weniger überzeugend, wenn sie Himmel und Hölle in Bewegung setzt, um zu ihrem geliebten Schwuchtel-chan da zu kommen versucht und tatsächlich bei wem anders zu Hause für ein JAHR leben will! Ist das dann nicht intim oder 'awkward' oder was auch immer?
Boah, nee ... ich bin jetzt allmählich wirklich wütend. Das bringt hier doch alles nichts.
Was tut man in so einem Fall?
Ignorieren ...
Ja ...
Ignorieren ist gut.
Ignorieren tut scheiße weh, aber hey! Was soll's?
Und weißt du was, 'hunny'? Du siehst scheiße aus ohne Make-Up! ^-^
Bissu stolz auf mich, Lin? Sag, freust du dich? FREUST DU DICH?! (Das ist jetzt nur witzig, wenn man Angel Sanctuary kennt XD).
Nyo. Baicha.
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| ._. |
[06 Jan 2006|03:46pm] |
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Echt - Junimond |
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Slowly but eventually my powers are coming to an end.
Getting drunk two nights in a row after not having done it in such a long time, bad food (my mum ate the same and she felt sick, too, so I guess it was the food), the lack of blood, the tears and what some people might do to you all added up.
I can't even puke.
But I can fall. ._. Owie.
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[05 Jan 2006|02:40am] |
Just lost a very long entry. Screw the internet.
I'm drunk at the moment. I like being drunk. I haven't been so for what ... two years? And I started again this evening and it's good. Better than any suicidal shit could ever be.
I mean ... nothing hurts while you're drunk. Nothing matters. It's all warm and soft and cosy and no matter what you do, it doesn't matter. Nothing hurts. Everything's just fine. I like things to be okay.
I remember back when I started being this whole alcoholic/druggie person I loved reading Swedish novels. Little did I know just how important Sweden would become for me.
Ah, screw my masc.
Screw everything.
I'm gonna say the truth tonight. Whether you like it or not. Lin made me realise that I should.
I'm no uke.
I like dominating people.
I like having them under my control and I do.
This whole sweet uke-uke thing makes people do what I want and it works ... it really does. There's nothing I can't do and nothing I can't get and God, I hate this. I wanna fail. Just one time in my miserable life I wanna fail.
But I don't.
I want people to hate me for what I'm doing to them, but they don't. I'm smart enough to make them love me, but there's nothing about me to love. I hate too much. And I love to hate.
There's only one person in my life who I really give a damn about.
And that's Fishy-kun.
For good or for worse I'm yours. lol ...
Funny ... Tommy was my first love and I shall love him forever. Zoe was my second love. She really loved me. And that's a good thing, isn't it? But ... that's not how things work for me.
Or Kristina.
She really loved me in a way.
But then again, she annoyed me. I didn't want her anywhere near me.
Or Yaya-kun ... she raped me and in a way I raped her. It's stupid really to think about this and a lot of people are going to hate me, but I need to say this.
I'm not cute.
I'm not sweet.
I wanna possess people to the point where they break.
I hate it.
I hate not being perfect.
I hate not being what other people want me to be.
I try to be all the time.
You want me angsty? I am.
You want me emo? I am.
Artsy, uke, nice, sweet, cute, bitch ... whatever you want, I'm that.
I dunno ... it's all very blurry in my mind, there's only one clear thought and this thought is that I'm hurting the ones I love by loving someone who I shouldn't love, but I can't stop.
And the boarders are rather blurry.
When does loving a person in the way of a relationship start and when does it end?
Do I want sex with her? (That's what most people say about relationships.)
No. I don't.
But I love her.
I love so many people. That's a part of who I am. Love and compassion. Not that it matters. No matter how much love I give, it's never returned the same way.
So hmmm ... I'm stuffing myself with food. Food is good. It loves you. It makes you fat, but it's there, not matter what.
Yeah ... my body wasn't meant for that. If you look at my bones ... they're all small and petite. My body was never meant to carry such a weight. If I look at old photos I can see that. I have my mom's body, just taller. I have breasts, I have an ass, but all ... small. And good looking. In these old photos I see who I could have been.
I'm arrogant, I'm unfriendly, bitchy, loving, caring, full of hate and I wanna fail.
Just once in my life I wanna fail.
I wanna fall completely.
But there's always a way out.
And for some reason I always find this way.
I mean ... God ... I'm always polite. And friendly.
But I'm not.
Not really.
Lin made me say things tonight ... things I've never told the psychologists.
I'm not Pon.
I'm not Tsu.
I'm something else.
I may not be perfect.
But I'm me.
And I like me.
I do love so many people.
My love is endless really.
And yet ... Fishy-kun ... I wanna make you happy. Just you. That would be enough. Because for me you are the cutest, sweetest little thing in the world. No matter what.
Okay, too muh alc.
gotta go ...
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[03 Jan 2006|03:12am] |
Come, Mairi, sail to sea
In a little boat or a canoe
Leave everything behind
Your house, your pony and your shoes
Come, Mairi, sail to me
Over the dark sea
Let's dance over the waves
Let's fill our hearts with glee
Come, Mairi, give yourself to them
To those who want to own you
And you'll truly be free
Baaah, I'm so mad right now. If I have to I'll SWIM to your fucking island, run through the woods and fucking throw a porcelain easter egg on your head! I've done it before and don't you think I wouldn't do it again!
Ummm ... hello? ::is at a loss for words::
What kind of cunt are you?! I normally don't use words like that, but ... sorry. This is about the only word that applies to you, in my opinion.
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| Useful info U_U |
[03 Jan 2006|02:45am] |
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Echt - Junimond |
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~ Estonia's capital is named Tallinn
~ The most popular first name for girls is 'Katharina' and its variations (Kathrin, Katherine, Catharina, Katarina, Katerina, Karin, Jekaterina and Jekaterina's nicknames: Katinka, Tinka ... etc.)
~ We have Maria/Mary, Elisabeth/Elizabeth and Anna/Anne running close behind
~ Müller is quite possibly the most common last name in Germany
~ Our conclusions: Being named Anna Maria Müller sucks
~ Burro means 'donkey' in Spanish, but 'butter' in Italian
~ Sorry, forgot something. <.< Maria means MAIRI in Scottish! *__________* Isn't that like ... the most beautiful thing ever? We had the lyrics for this purdy song in our English book in 8th grade ... it was something like "Come, Mairi, sail to see, *insert Gaelic thing I do not understand here*'
~ Simone (my first name) has many meanings: To hear, the one who is heard by God x_x;;; and something I can't translate into English and it can be pronounced in many ways .......
~ Russian has five different kinds of hissing sounds which can change the meaning of a word completely (ass VS. garden XD)
~ There is such a thing as caramel cheese O______O;;;
~ Kaori Yuki is approximately 42 years old, has never been married or involved in a relationship after the start of her career at all
~ The Lord of the Rings has clearly homosexual undertones
~ I'M FUCKING MAD AT YOU RIGHT NOW
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| Weeeeeeee! *_* I stole this thing from ... a random person's lj x_x;;; |
[03 Jan 2006|02:07am] |
[EDIT] I forgot to close the tags after a while and I really can't be bothered to go back and do it x_x [/EDIT]
* I miss somebody right now.
* I don't watch much TV these days.
* I love olives.
* I own lots of books.
* I wear glasses or contact lenses.
* I love to play video games.
* I've tried marijuana.
* I've watched porn movies.
* I have been in a threesome.
* I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. <--- damn! I WANT this to be true! >.<
* I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
* I curse sometimes.
* I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. Not necessarily for the better, but yes, I have)
* I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
* I'm TOTALLY smart.
* I have broken someone's bones. ... ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
* I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
* I hate the rain.
* I'm paranoid at times. ... like always?
* I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
* I need money right now.
* I love sushi. ... (love is a bit too much)
* I talk really, really fast.
* I have fresh breath in the morning. (that's sorta weird, isn't it?)
* I have long hair.
* I have lost money in Las Vegas.
* I have at least one sibling.
* I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
* I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
* I couldn't survive without Caller I.D. (more like ... USING it to block my own number ... but it won't work on my cell for some reason ;_;)
* I like the way that I look.
* I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
* I know how to cornrow.
* I am usually pessimistic.
* I have a lot of mood swings.
* I think prostitution should be legalized.
* I've slept with a room mate.
* I think Britney Spears is pretty.
* I have a hidden talent. ... (I can manipulate people quite well)
* I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
* I have a lot of friends.
* I am currently single.
* I have pecked someone of the same sex. (fuck pecks ... I've FRENCHED them XD)
* I enjoy talking on the phone.
* I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
* I love to shop.
* I enjoy window shopping.
* I would rather shop than eat.
* I would classify myself as ghetto.
* I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
* I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal.
* I don't hate anyone. I dislike them. (I feel indifferent about them)
* I'm a pretty good dancer.
* I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
* I have a cell phone.
* I believe in a god(s).
* I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
* I've rejected someone before. (that would surprisingly good ...)
* I currently like someone. (maybe)
* I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
* I want to have children in the future.
* I have changed a diaper before.
* I've called the cops on a friend before.
* I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
* I'm not allergic to anything.
* I have a lot to learn.
* I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
* I am shy around the opposite sex.
* I’m online 24/7, even as an away message.
* I have at least 5 away messages saved.
* I have tried alcohol or drugs before.
* I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past. (so did she, so it's all fair)
* I own the "South Park" movie.
* I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal. (^^;;;)
* When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.
* I enjoy some country music.
* I would die for my best friends.
* I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
* I watch soap operas whenever I can.
* I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.
* I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
* I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
* I know all the words to Slick Rick’s "Children’s Story".
* Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
* I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
* I have dated a close friend's ex.
* I like surveys/memes.
* I am happy at this moment.
* I’m obsessed with guys.
* Democrat.
* Conservative Republican.
* I am punk rockish.
* I am preppy.
* I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
* I study for tests most of the time.
* I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I’ve ever met.
* I can work on a car.
* I love my job.
* I am comfortable with who I am right now.
* I have more than just my ears pierced.
* I walk barefoot wherever I can.
* I have jumped off a bridge. (as a kid for fun x_x)
* I love sea turtles.
* I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup. (when I get the chance I buy stuff like Chanel, so yes ... ^^;;;)
* I believe in prophetic dreams.
* I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
* I am proficient on a musical instrument.
* I worked at McDonald’s restaurant.
* I hate office jobs.
* I love sci-fi movies.
* I think water rules.
* I went to college out of state.
* I am adopted.
* I like sausage.
* I am a pyro.
* I love the Red Sox.
* I have thrown up from crying too much.
* I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
* I love kisses.
* I fall for the worst the most unemotional people and have been hurt every time.
* I adore bright colors.
* I love Dear Abby. <--- what is that? O___O
* I can't live without black eyeliner. (that's my whole make-up basically ^^;)
* I think school is awesome. (not this one ...)
* I think pigtails serve a purpose.
* I don’t know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
* I usually like covers better than originals.
* I don't like multi-textured ice cream.
* I think John Cusack is adorable.
* I fucking hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays
* I watch Food Network way too much.
* I love coaching youth sports.
* I can pick up things with my toes.
* I can't whistle. (and I can't roll the r ~_~)
* I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes’ slither.
* I have ridden/owned a horse.
* I still have every journal I’ve ever written in.
* I can't stick to a diet.
* I talk in my sleep.
* I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.
* I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
* Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
* I have jazz in my blood.
* I would not be friends if they weren't family.
* I wear a toe ring.
* I have a tattoo.
* I love vaginas. <--------- O_________O;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; WTF?!?!?!?!
* I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
* I am a caffeine junkie.
* I know who Santos L. Halper is.
* I read trashy romance novels and I am ashamed.
* I loved wrestling.
* I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.
* If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder. =O_O= Maybe ...
* I cosplayed or know what cosplaying is.
* I have been to over 15 conventions.
* I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
* I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.
* I'm an artist. (anyone person who claims to be an artist isn't)
* I have a goal to collect every Johnny Depp movie ever made.
* I am ambidexterous.
* I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed.
* My computer has a name.
* If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony.
* I have terrible teeth.
* I hate my toes. </i>
* I did this Meme even though I wasn't tagged by the person who took it before me.
* I have more friends on the internet than in real life. (<.<)
* I have lived in either three different states or countries.
* I am extremely flexible.
* I love hugs more than kisses.
* I want to own my own business.
* I smoke or have tried cigarettes. (CHAINSMOKER AND PROUD OF IT!!!)
* I have met a star from ABC's LOST.
* I spend way too much time on the computer than on anything else.
* Nobody has ever said I'm normal.
* Sad movies, games, fics and the like can cause a trickle of tear every now and then.
* I am proficient in the use of many types firearms and combat weapons.
* I like the way women look in stylized men's suits.
* I don't like it when people are unpleased or seem unpleased with me.
* I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the cloud.
* I have played tennis with my non dominant hand before. (that's connected to the fact that I don't have a dominant hand)
* I have played strip poker with someone else before.
* I read the labels on food, shampoo, and other things just because.
* I have emotional problems for which I have sought professional help. (psychologist are like the dumbest people ever)
* I believe in ghosts and the paranormal.
* I can't stand being alone.
* I have at least one obsession at any given time.
* I weigh myself, pee/poo, and then weigh myself again.
* I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment.
* I know what THACO means.
* I have a signed Tom Servo head.
* I'm a judgmental asshole.
* I'm a HUGE drama-queen
* I was a Spice Girls fan and I'm proud of it.
* I have traveled on more than one continent.
* I sometimes wish my father would just disappear
* I have seen every single episode of more than one television show.
* I need people to tell me I'm good at something in order to feel that I am.
* I am a Libertarian.
* I can sing songs in languages I don't speak
* I could speak more than one language.
* I can fall asleep even if the whole room is as noisy as it can be.
* I am ovulating.
* I am very confused.
* I believe that everything ends.
* I like happy endings.
* I ask too many questions. (you can never ask too many questions!)
* I coined the word "puccashina" and am the only one using it.
* I need music in order to live
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| The rocky road to Dublin <--- no, this isn't supposed to make sense |
[03 Jan 2006|01:45am] |
See the rainbows dance
You can catch 10000
At one glance
They are shiny and new
They have all the pretty colours:
Orange, black and blue
See the rainbows dance
From Helsinki to Montevideo
They are sentenced to death
But they do not care
Because they can dance
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| Disappoinments |
[02 Jan 2006|05:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 hungry |
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music |
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3 Doors Down - Let me go |
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It's sorta disappointing to see that no matter what you do, you can't live and you can't die. I stole B-chan's whole collection of pills (and that girl is fucked up enough to get the worst kind) and took them with a bottle of Jägermeister (alc) ... and absolutely nothing happened.
I mean ... one would expect something to happen, but it didn't.
Okay, I do admit that I did a rather half-assed job on this. I just couldn't really be bothered. But I had some nice dreams. That kinda rocked.
I just wonder why I keep running. Tam once asked me if I wasn't getting tired. Well, I am tired. I hated doing something I do not want to do.
It's not like I really wanna die. I'm too much in love with life and well ... I don't wanna run either.
In the end the people who aren't responsible for anything have to pay.
It's not Fishy-kun's fault that my father's an asshole. It's not my family's faul that my 'grandmother' is a cunt and yet I made them pay.
It's such a stereotypical thing really ... to live through this whole teenage angst brigade shit and I just wanna get out.
I know what I want and yet ...
I love my father so much. He doesn't deserve my love. He's slowly killing me with his indifference.
If I could get hate at least. I can live with hate. I can deal with hate. But not with indifference.
I just ... I don't know.
I just wanna live on and find the strength to say goodbye to him forever. He is the person I truly want to tell to fuck off.
Instead I push others away.
But Annemarie called me on my birthday anyway. That was good.
I got a txt from Kathy. It didn't arrive in time, but it was nice anyway.
This is all very confusing. It's confusing me as well.
So much has happened these past days.
I've hurt my family, my friends ............. I hurt my brother. I hate hurting him. When I look into these huge, brown eyes that look like they could belong to Audrey Hepburn's son I hate myself.
I hurt so many people and I didn't want to.
My application for Sweden has been sent. I hope it'll be accepted. And I hope I either get to do the thing in Stockholm or the old people thing in Örebro ... or whatever it was called. x_x It also involves singing with kiddies in the choir. I'm okay at singing so this would be kinda cool. Also the city/town is not that huge. x_x
I have enough of large cities for quite some time. For the country side people this may sound weird, but you change in big cities. You become ... hmmm. Harder and harsher, I guess. Which I hate. ._.
Blergh.
My bro gave me this Swedish textbook for my birthday. x_X;;; Baaaaaaaah. Their spelling is just as fucked up as the Norwegian one. Not that German is easier. XD~ For one sound we have 5+ spelling possibilities. And we tend to say things we don't write. x_x
Anyways ... I decided to write a letter to my dad. I do not wish to stay in touch with him anymore. It just hurts. And it shouldn't.
Or may grandmother ... God ... she called on my 20th birthday and the first thing she asked was if my birthday was then or on New Year's Eve .................................... I invited her to come over (it was 5 PM).
Me: Would you like to come over? =^_^=
Her: NO! ... I don't go out that late. ^^;;;
What a big, fat lie.
She told me to come over to hers and get my present some time. Fuck her. I don't want her money. I need it, but I'd rather live on the streets than accept anything from her.
What kind of grandmother is that?!
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
My other grandmother who isn't really my grandmother ... like ... we don't have the same blood and everything dragged herself to my party although she's ill and lost her husband just six months ago and doesn't feel like partying at all. And she played silly games with me and shit.
Why can't my real grandmother be a real grandmother?
I love my granny. She may be a 'fake' one in the sense of blood, but blood doesn't matter. If it was like that I wouldn't have a family at all.
I just hate this. I hate how these people treat me and that's why I need to end this. I can't stay in touch with them like this.
Well ... maybe I'll talk to my dad again in a couple of years. But not now. What he did hurt too much.
Oh well.
Yes.
I'm alive.
Cheers.
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| Gragh |
[17 Dec 2005|12:31am] |
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mood |
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amused |
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??? - Leaving On A Jet Plane |
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Some people just shouldn't be allowed to choose their clothes on their own. x_X;;; And they shouldn't be allowed to spam other peoples' friends lists with their ugly stuff either. Daaaaaaamn. >.<;;; Oh well. Maybe I should leave some comms. They make me angry. XDDD~
(Rest of this entry is in German, try to understand something! XD)
Warum ist das alles nur so kompliziert?
Mir hat mal wer gesagt, dass man eine Beziehung eigentlich gleich wieder vergessen kann, wenn sie irgendwie nur das geringste Bisschen an Schwierigkeit bereitet; es sollte alles ganz einfach und natürlich und von selbst kommen.
Tja, Michi .......... x_x So einfach ist das nicht.
Ich weiß nur ... dass wenn ich an dem Ort bin, an dem du sein solltest und du an dem Ort bist an dem wir beide sein wollen, wir uns nie begegnen werden.
Und erzähl mir nichts von billigen Flügen! Du bist ja die Heldin, die einen gottverdammten Ein-Kronen-Flug von Schweden nach Frankfurt gefunden hat. x_X;;; Und ich, die ich ja hier wohne und so, zahl dann Hunderte an die DB? Jaaaaaaaaaa ... klar. x_x;;; Schon verstanden.
Du hast keine Ahnung wie verdammt weh sowas tun kann. Ich reiß mir den Arsch auf -auf gut Deutsch gesagt- und DANN?! Dann bist du WEG! Das ist irgendwie fast so als hätten Gott und Teufel grad Schiffe-Versenken gespielt und einen Affen sich derweil um die weltlichen Geschäfte kümmern lassen.
Also erzähl DU mir gefälligst nichts von Fairness!
Hältst (MAN SCHREIBT UND SPRICHT ES HÄL***T***ST! NICHT HÄLST, GOTTVERDAMMT NOCHMAL! >.<;;;) du mich ehrlich für so kindisch?
Wahrscheinlich tust du das.
Aber ist mir auch egal.
Und es stimmt schon: Ich hasse dich.
Aber man kann einen Menschen durchaus hassen und lieben zur gleichen Zeit. Liebe ich dich? Liebe ich überhaupt wen? Ich liebe mich. Irgendwie. So wie ich Menschen halt liebe, um es mit Sweet-chans Worten zu sagen.
Wie auch immer ... die Menschheit ist irgendwie schon ein ziemlich verkommenes Schlangennest, wenn man sich das mal so überlegt. Und sie können sich prinzipiell NIE für EINS entscheiden! Arrrgh!
Stell mir eine Frage! Irgendeine! EGAL WAS! Und ich kann dir eine Antwort geben, aber du weißt doch gar nicht, was du willst.
Dann ist dein Vater also eine Enttäuschung?
Willkommen im wirklichen Leben, Prinzessin: Das sind sie alle.
Man trifft nie auf Menschen, die zu hundert Prozent einem Ideal, das man hat oder auch nicht hat, entsprechen.
Das ist mal wieder meine Bojentheorie ... man kann vielleicht an einem stürmischen Tag auf offener See sich allein von Boje zu Boje und irgendwie an den Strand zurück hangeln, aber nicht wenn man noch einen anderen Menschen mitschleppt. Ich hab's auch irgendwie satt mich immer für andere und deren Glück verantwortlich zu fühlen.
Ich hab so ziemlich alles relativ satt.
Doswidanija, Germany. Nächstes Jahr bin ich nur noch zwanzig Minuten von dir weg, dann wollen wir mal sehen, ob du mich dann auch noch sehen willst, so wie jetzt.
Ich hätte auch Jesus in den Wahnsinn treiben können ... dürfte bei dir doch dann auch nicht allzu schwer sein, ne? =^_____________^=
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| It's official! |
[02 Dec 2005|09:45pm] |
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mood |
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 pleased |
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music |
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SID - ... the song with the long name |
] |
SUPA UKE!You are -100% uke!
alt="Image hosted by
Photobucket.com">
You are cute, loveable and huggable, everything a
seme would ever want! You either have very
mediocre skills/powers or have no skills at
all. But that doesn't matter, You exist only
for your seme's pleasure. And if you are lucky,
you will be protected for the rest of your
life! I wish you luck my little one.. for you
are doommmedd doooomed for eternaty.
Most compatible with: Any seme actually!
Ultimate Yaoi-level selector!
brought to you by Quizilla
Told you so. ~_~ All those who wouldn't believe me ... here's the ultimate proof. I AM the worst uke known to mankind!
Now where's a seme to protect me? ;-; ::holds arms out::
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| Uwah |
[01 Dec 2005|07:50pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
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music |
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bis - Start |
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._. I made dinner.
I shouldn't have. My tummy doesn't like food. It was good, but it still made me sick. Lately my tummy doesn't like food really.
UWAAAAAAAH! I had this really creepy dream tonight! T_T I dreamed that I was going down these huge metal stairs and suddenly I felt the urge to run and so I did, but who ever was behind me was just as fast and when I was at the bottom of the stairs he got a hold of me from behind. I asked him who he was and he answered he was a rapist.
~_~ Why can't I have NICE dreams?!
Other people dream of having consensual sex or sex between two hot guys or ... many other things, but not always that kind of crap! >.<;;;
Oh ... and for some obscure reason I'm gonna go out for karaoke tomorrow. x_X;;; Obviously these people liked my "performance" during the Kagerou live. XDDD;;; ::was singing 'Te' at the top of her lungs:: I was the only one who knew the lyrics by heart. Go me! lol ...
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| O___O |
[27 Nov 2005|01:43am] |
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mood |
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awake |
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music |
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Edison Chen - War |
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My brother DOES love me!
He found me an university which offers the subject I wanna study (Translating for Japanese and Korean) and took care of like ... every little thing. ;;;_________;;; That's so ... nice. According to my mother he spent HOURS doing research while I was asleep.
Well, I'll have to move, but it's kinda worth it. I don't wanna study 'Japanologie' (it's like ... you get to know every little bit about the country, the history, the culture in past ages, etc.). But this doesn't enable you to translate things. I'm already studying at a school just for languages and it's true. Even if you know about the language it doesn't make you a translator and that is what I wanna do. It's the best for me because I kinda like well ... the standard of living I have now. I don't need huge amounts of money to be happy. Just enough to have a nice apartment, books, clothes and a cat. ::laughs:: That's kinda what I want, you know? A nice, quiet life in front of my computer, travelling to other countries, living, studying ... yes. That's what I wanna do.
I've been to many info events and I really think I should do this. I could translate manga! *_* Or books or magazines and stuff. It'd be fun.
Hmmm ... yes.
But there are so many other things I wanna do. ;_; I wanna see Scandinavia and New Zealand and I wanna go to London again and ITALY! ;;;___________;;; I really need to go to Italy. The longer I'm apart from Italy the unhappier I get.
There's something about that country ... it fills my heart with something it lacks. It makes me a better person. ::laughs:: Italy makes everybody a better person. Especially the south. The people there are so ... nice. And they don't want anything back for that. They're just good people. It's amazing. ::laughs::
Now I'm out. G'night! ^-^
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| Blinky |
[24 Nov 2005|10:45pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
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music |
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Edison Chen - War |
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You never see what lies in front of you
Or just how much I love you
These words are so empty and vain
Emotional whore
I take what I want and I want it all and now
We don't always get what we want
And so we bite ourselves till we bleed out all desire
Ice Queen
We got what we called for
And it's bliss in the eyes of a child
Whose hand was licked by the dog of God
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| Stuuudyyyiiiiiing! |
[22 Nov 2005|05:22pm] |
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mood |
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awake |
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Naito - Tokyo Shounen |
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x_x;;; This isn't really much of a success ...
2 PM: Got up
2 PM - 3:30 PM: Talked to people on AIM
3:30 - 4 PM: Studied
4 PM - 4:30 PM: Made food
4:30 - 5:00PM: Spazzed out
5:00 - 5:10 PM: Studied
And now I'm here. T_T That makes ... 40 Minutes of studying. That's not very good. ._. But it's so boring! >.< Arrrrgh. I mean ... it's nothing you have to understand, you just have to know it by heart and that's kinda frustrating and stuff. Argh. ._.
( Stuff ... )
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[20 Nov 2005|04:03am] |
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mood |
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awake |
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music |
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Rasputina - The New Zero |
] |
I've been thinking about the first part of this for quite a while and I thought I'd write it now.
( For Fishy-kun )
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